National Nitwit

Left: Bush working on the feet of an unwilling G-8 leader

(Moscow) Fresh from the unusual back rub he gave to German chancellor Angela Merkel, US President George Bush next turned to French President Jacques Chirac to try furthering his "massage diplomacy."

As the G-8 leaders finished a photo session, Bush grabbed the feet of a seated Chirac and pulled the wingtips from the surprised French leader.

"Let me tell you - there's nothing I like more than getting my dogs worked on after a long day," chattered Bush. "There - don't that feel better, Jackie-poot?"

Despite Chirac's protests, Bush proceeded to remove the socks of the reluctant recipient of the reflexologic overtures.

"Phew - when's the last time you changed these?" he asked, holding up Chirac's argyles. "I've smelled rancid Cheetoes that didn't reek like this."

Left: Bush and Chirac moments before l'affaire du pied

Next working up the calves of the French President, Bush remarked about on Chirac's physique.

"Damn, Jacques - you still got some strong leg muscles here," he said, stroking the Frenchman's legs. "I bet you can still show a cowboy a good time, yes indeedy!"

White House press secretary Tony Snow downplayed the incident, citing "executive privilege" and "the need for a deepening of the relationship" between France and the US.