National Nitwit

Left: Pluto, Mickey, and pals soon to bring laughter and frivolity to Auschwitz

(Lake Buena Vista, FL) The Walt Disney Company announced plans today to acquire the former Nazi concentration/extermination camp Auschwitz-Birkenau.

Disney Group Chairman George Mitchell said the company had been in discussions with UN officials for "a long period of time" to build the new Disneyland-Auschwitz theme park.

"There was some initial resistance, but they began to see that we have some great ideas for Disneyland-Auschwitz," he said, donning a pair of Mickey Mouse ears laced with barbed wire. "We hope to show the happier side of life inside the walls and furnaces of Auschwitz."

The Auschwitz complex was a major component of the Holocaust, and approximately 1.1 million people - 90 percent of whom were Jews -were murdered there.

Mitchell said that a number of new animated characters are being developed for the park.

"One of my favorites is Sammy the Snake, who wears SS insignia and says some of the darndest things," laughed Mitchell. "You just never know what that crazy little serpent will do next."

Left: "S-s-s-s-s-say, have you s-s-s-s-seen the Cyklon-B?"

Mitchell said that Disney believes that Auschwitz represents "untapped entertainment value" with its existing tourist traffic, which has been estimated at over 25 million people in the last half-century.

"Look, Auschwitz is a natural fit for our company. After remodeling the dreary place and adding some rides, all we have left to do is sell these visitors some hot dogs, T-shirts, and elephant ears," he said, adding that visitors will receive yellow badges and a complimentary de-lousing upon entry to the park. "We believe that Disneyland-Auschwitz will set the new standard for exploiting the planet's historical past while providing a wholesome family experience."