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7/28/2006

God: "Killing Kittens is Definitely a Gas"

(Heaven) In an interview with National Nitwit reporters, God admitted that He has a "fondness" for taking the lives of young felines.

"Contrary to popular belief, my killing of kittens has nothing to do with masturbation, the war in Iraq, or the Yankees winning the pennant," said the Prince of Peace. "Truth be told, I just like seeing the cute little things die a horrible, painful death."

The Righteous One said that he finds something "incredibly ironic" in his random kitty kills.

"There they are, gaily prancing across a green meadow, then BLAM! Nothing but tufts of fur," He said, rubbing His hands together. "If that doesn't speak volumes about the emptiness and futility of existence, I don't know what does."

God added that He takes "a kind of perverse glee" in the reactions of the faithful to the sudden snuffing of a kitten.

"The whole 'why, God, why?!?!' routine is hilarious, what with the tears, gnashing of teeth, and renting of garments," He chuckled. "You guys need to lighten up and grab a pistol - nothing relieves stress better than tagging a tabby at 30 yards, especially when you get a clean head shot."

# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 7:21 PM
Comments:
"tagging a tabby"

Sweet.....
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 7:59 PM
 
You're fucking sick and it's not even slightly funny.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 12:11 PM
 
You're fucking sick and you're gonna burn in hell. good job, hope to see ya there!
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 9:45 PM
 
But what about the Domo-kuns? Are they God's hired hit monsters for rubbing one out
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 12:26 PM
 
LOL.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 11:04 PM
 
omg, that was funny.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 11:21 PM
 
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