.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

7/28/2006

God: "Killing Kittens is Definitely a Gas"

(Heaven) In an interview with National Nitwit reporters, God admitted that He has a "fondness" for taking the lives of young felines.

"Contrary to popular belief, my killing of kittens has nothing to do with masturbation, the war in Iraq, or the Yankees winning the pennant," said the Prince of Peace. "Truth be told, I just like seeing the cute little things die a horrible, painful death."

The Righteous One said that he finds something "incredibly ironic" in his random kitty kills.

"There they are, gaily prancing across a green meadow, then BLAM! Nothing but tufts of fur," He said, rubbing His hands together. "If that doesn't speak volumes about the emptiness and futility of existence, I don't know what does."

God added that He takes "a kind of perverse glee" in the reactions of the faithful to the sudden snuffing of a kitten.

"The whole 'why, God, why?!?!' routine is hilarious, what with the tears, gnashing of teeth, and renting of garments," He chuckled. "You guys need to lighten up and grab a pistol - nothing relieves stress better than tagging a tabby at 30 yards, especially when you get a clean head shot."

Comments:
"tagging a tabby"

Sweet.....
 
You're fucking sick and it's not even slightly funny.
 
You're fucking sick and you're gonna burn in hell. good job, hope to see ya there!
 
But what about the Domo-kuns? Are they God's hired hit monsters for rubbing one out
 
LOL.
 
omg, that was funny.
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?