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Housewife Touts Comet Cleanser as Tooth Whitener

Left: Pettiford models her "new and improved" teeth

(Jackson, MS) Becky Pettiford knows a thing or two about saving a buck.

"That's what everybody says - 'Becky could squeeze a dollar out of a quarter,'" she chuckled. "So I said to myself: 'Becky - why spend $30 a month on fancy tooth whitening systems when good old Comet Cleaner can do the trick for a couple of pennies a day?'"

Manufacturer Prestige Brands promotes the cleaner as a product "for all those tough cleaning problems around the house such as kitchen surfaces, tubs, basins, and toilet bowls." Pettiford believes that, by extension, this would include human teeth.

"Oh Lordy - they don't have enough room on the can for everything this stuff cleans!" she exclaimed. "And it works wonders on athlete's foot and jock itch."

comet cleanserLeft: Not just for porcelain any more

Members of Pettiford's household, however, did not share the homemaker's glee for Comet.

"If that wack-ass bitch comes near me again with a can of that shit, I'll stab her in the eye with a red-hot marshmallow skewer," grumbled 16-year-old son Jared. "She might like douching with the green powder, but I am done with her home remedies."

OMIGOD!!! What a psycho!
"O" somebody found my secret that I've been using for over 20 years
Yeah, and the residual grit adds that certain "tingle" to an otherwise boring existence.

(uhh, that would be vaginal grit...)
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