.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

7/16/2006

Housewife Touts Comet Cleanser as Tooth Whitener

Left: Pettiford models her "new and improved" teeth

(Jackson, MS) Becky Pettiford knows a thing or two about saving a buck.

"That's what everybody says - 'Becky could squeeze a dollar out of a quarter,'" she chuckled. "So I said to myself: 'Becky - why spend $30 a month on fancy tooth whitening systems when good old Comet Cleaner can do the trick for a couple of pennies a day?'"

Manufacturer Prestige Brands promotes the cleaner as a product "for all those tough cleaning problems around the house such as kitchen surfaces, tubs, basins, and toilet bowls." Pettiford believes that, by extension, this would include human teeth.

"Oh Lordy - they don't have enough room on the can for everything this stuff cleans!" she exclaimed. "And it works wonders on athlete's foot and jock itch."

comet cleanserLeft: Not just for porcelain any more

Members of Pettiford's household, however, did not share the homemaker's glee for Comet.

"If that wack-ass bitch comes near me again with a can of that shit, I'll stab her in the eye with a red-hot marshmallow skewer," grumbled 16-year-old son Jared. "She might like douching with the green powder, but I am done with her home remedies."

Comments:
OMIGOD!!! What a psycho!
 
"O" somebody found my secret that I've been using for over 20 years
 
Yeah, and the residual grit adds that certain "tingle" to an otherwise boring existence.


(uhh, that would be vaginal grit...)
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?