National Nitwit

Left: Hezbollah combatant carried off by aid worker

(Tel Aviv) Israeli Brigadier General Amir Eshel said that "translation errors" were responsible for news of a hiatus in Israel's bombing campaigns in Lebanon.

"It's an understandable mistake," Eshel said of the miscommunication. "Plus, when we said "suspension" we really meant that kind of in-school suspension you used to get in high school, when you were in trouble, but not really, and spent most of the day staring at the hooters of the girl across the aisle. That kind of suspension."

Israeli suspended air strikes following an international outcry over the deaths of at least 54 persons, including 37 children, in the Lebanese village of Qana. Eshel said that he blames Hezbollah for the deaths of the children.

"Part of the Hezbollah training is to get these children at a young age and teach them to fling themselves on live Israeli munitions," he said. "There's nothing sadder than watching one of those deluded young children taking a swan dive on a DPICM projectile round."

Left: Hezbollah hideout cleverly disguised as apartment with small children

Israeli Justice Minister Haim Ramon said the suspension did not mean that the Israel was ending its war against Hezbollah.

"The suspension of our aerial activities does not signify in any way the end to the war," Ramon told Israeli army radio. "On the contrary, this decision will allow us to catch those dirty Hezbollah bastards while they try to catch some sleep. I just hope they run out of children to throw on our bombs, though."