National Nitwit

Left: "It's a Hezbollah Christmas!"

(Los Angeles, CA) Twentieth Century Fox has announced that the third installment of the popular "Cheaper by the Dozen" series will be set in Beirut, and will feature a guest appearance by Hezbollah leader Hassan Nasrallah.

Director Adam Shankman expressed "high excitement" about the chemistry between co-stars Steve Martin, Bonnie Hunt, and the radical Islamic political leader.

"There are hijinks aplenty when the Baker family tries to put up a Christmas tree, but Nasrallah orders a rocket attack on the Baker house because they are filthy infidels," chuckled Shankman. "Hoo-eee! Tom Baker sure gets feisty when his homestead is destroyed, and only four of his children survive the firestorm. Ha!"

Shankman said that the somber death scene will be "cathartic," and a bit of a departure from previous "Cheaper" films.

"Yeah, the part where Tom Baker is holding the severed left arm of 11-year-old Sarah [played by Alyson Stoner] is kind of dark," he admitted. "But when Steve Martin starts up with the physical comedy of tripping all over the dead bodies of his kids, our test audiences laughed themselves silly. You've just gotta see the wackiness!"

Left: "Cathartic" scene

Shankman said the film will be shot on location, and that "hundreds" of local residents will be used for the climatic battle between the Baker family and the forces of Hezbollah.

"We will be using live rounds, and it will probably be a one-take deal," he said. "While the weaponry is not cheap, we will be able to make up for the costs by paying these Lebanese fuckers like $2 a day. Hell, that's even cheaper than we pay those 'Bum Fight' participants. We may have to move our studios to Beirut after the shelling stops."