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7/26/2006

Opinion: You Did Not Just Propose to Me at a Ball Game

A Guest Editorial by Meredith Huxley

Left: Huxley feigning excitement...poorly

John, I love you very much. We’ve been together for two years, and I fought the urge to cheat on you that week you were in Mexico last April, so I think we have something special going here. I can even tolerate your bitch-ass mother, as long as she stops calling whenever there’s a Tupperware sale at Target.

So please, please tell me you didn’t just propose at a Tigers game.

There’s 50,000 people here, John. How intimate. At this rate, we might as well celebrate the engagement by 69-ing in the parking garage and putting the video on YouTube. And nothing prepares a girl for making a life commitment better than some $9 hotdogs and nachos. I haven’t felt this bloated since that time I ate five Hot Pockets because you were too lazy to buy groceries.

But I digress.

Where did you get that ring? Was it clearance day at the mall? My piss is clearer than that diamond, John. I would be the laughing stock of my friends if I wore that pebble on my finger—I told you to get a rock. Something that screams, “this girl is TAY-KEN!” You better have kept the receipt.

Oh Jesus. Now we’re on the Jumbotron. Ok, ok, smile and nod. I’m hiring a wedding planner as soon as we get home—a real flamer who’ll respond to my needs. If this is the beginning of our life together, you better quit dicking around, John. Marriage is about sacrifice.

# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 10:01 AM
Comments:
This guy wants to marry a slut?

"I fought the urge to cheat on you..."

Amazing.

I see this lasting about 1 year, at most.

Then she will want to clean his clock.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 5:32 AM
 
Agreed! She's a cheating whore underneath, the guy who "tempted her" probably wasn't "hot enough for her", since it is obvious that she cares so much about appearances. Not only that she seems to be an unholy bitch. Run dude RUN!
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 9:41 AM
 
i too agree. If someone proposed to me in front of 50,ooo people, not only would i be the happiest women on earth id love him for ever. The fact that you cant see that you intrested hore makes you what you are. if i were him i would have bought you a 25 cent ring from a corner store. Your crule. i give your marrige less than 6 months. if you last longer that your husband is a dick. Because only dicks have a small head with no brains. LOL.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 6:40 AM
 
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