National Nitwit

Left: Packing her bags and loading her cans of Whoop-ass

(Washington, DC) Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice, preparing to leave for the Mideast to participate in peace negatiations, outlined the administration's strategy for National Nitwit reporters.

"Simply put, the peace process cannot start until every last square inch of Lebanon has been blown to smithereens," she said, pounding a conference table for effect. "There is no sense in conducting peace talks as long as even one potential terrorist is still breathing."

Rice dismissed reports that the Bush administration has been slow to respond to the crisis.

"The President has been watching this since the first shot was fired," she said. "I have rarely seen him so animated as when, say, an Israeli artilery round blows up a bridge. I believe his exact words were something like: 'Hoo-eeee! Check that shit out!'"

Rice also defended what she termed "Israel's right to self-defense," even with the controversial practice of targeting civilian infrastructure.

"Listen - disrupting electicity and water supplies is the surest way to bring Hezbollah to its knees," she said. "Besides, don't those people over there have a lot of experience living in the desert heat? Seems to me a couple weeks roaming in the sand shouldn't be such a big deal for people who grew up in a tent, right?"