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7/28/2006

Wal-Mart Pulls Out of Germany, Spews Wad on Her Chest

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

(Berlin)—Wal-Mart Stores Inc., one of the world’s most powerful global corporations and a straight-up man-whore, decided to pull out of Germany late last night and blow its frothy load all over her Bavarian tits.

Wal-Mart cited archaic tax codes, stiff competition, and indifferent consumerism for the decision to end the relationship.

“Germany has been very cool all along,” Wal-Mart stated in a press conference this morning. “It’s just, well…I’ve been down this road before, and figured it was best to spank on her milk-white skin rather than shoot my sauce inside. That implies a certain degree of commitment that I’m just not comfortable making right now.”

This is not the first time Wal-Mart has made such a decision. In May, Wal-Mart chose to pull out of South Korea, ending their tawdry affair by blasting man-gravy all over her pouting, exotic face.

Undisclosed sources close to Wal-Mart contend that the international stud has his eye on hotties such as China and Central America for the next torrid escapade.

“Wal-Mart is built like Adonis, so it’s hard to resist his charm,” remarked Alabama in an exclusive interview with the National Nitwit. “When he starts mackin’ with discounted electronics and one of those 4-for-the-price-of-3 lawn chair sales, it’s game over, man. I hope China’s on the pill.”

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