National Nitwit

Left: Going nowhere

(New York) While appreciating the opportunity to write satire, Bradley Pendleton said that writing for humor newspaper The Onion has been "less than an ideal experience."

"Oh sure, I get paid to write material that makes college freshman laugh their asses off," he admitted, looking over his resume. "But how is this helping me long-term? Is Hollywood calling? Is Jay Leno calling? Hell no."

One of Pendleton's biggest pet peeves is the lack of publication credits he can put on his CV.

"Most of the time they run my material without a byline," he groused. "And when I do get a byline, it's some goofy pen name like 'Hugh G. Rection.' How do you think 'Hugh G. Rection' looks to the folks over at The New Yorker? Pretty retarded, if you ask me."

Left: Greener pastures may be in store for Pendleton

The "final straw" came for Pendleton last week during a brainstorming session at the Onion's editiorial offices.

"I came up with this great concept of introducing a recurrent character - a meth addict - who supposedly works as a CIA operative in Kuala Lumpur, and whose cover occupation is being a pimp," he said, folding his hands. "Not ten minutes later my idea gets tanked in favor of a children's party clown who is a pedophile. Where is the justice?"