National Nitwit

Left: Ahmadinejad is pumped and ready to face Bush

(Tehran) President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran dismissed the UN as an "illegitimate tool" of Britain and America, and called upon US President George W. Bush to a series of "manly duels."

"A best-of-three match in arm wrestling should show that infidel punkass who Allah speaks to," he said, baring his right forearm. "Maybe he can order F-16 airstrikes, but I daresay I will whip his sorry kafir self mano-a-mano."

Ahmadinejad also threw down another physical challenge to Bush.

"One, two, three, four - I declare a thumb war," he said, jutting out his thumbs in an agressive manner. "Five, six, seven, eight - America we'll annhilate!"

Left: Iranian thumb in strike position

The White House dismissed the proposals as "distractions."

“Talk of an arm wrestling match or a thumb war is just a diversion from the legitimate concerns that the international community, not just the U.S., has about Iran’s behavior, from support for terrorism to pursuit of a nuclear weapons capability,” said spokeswoman Dana Perino. "Besides, you know those shifty Iranian bastards - Ahmadinejad's liable to throw sand in the President's eye or something. However, if mad Ahmad wants to race for pink slips, we'll be happy to take him on."