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8/26/2006

Favre Regrets Passing on a Career in Film, Stage

Brett Favre By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

(Green Bay, WI)—Brett Favre, iconic quarterback of the Green Bay Packers, announced earlier today that he lamented his entire career in professional football and wished he had pursued his childhood dream of acting in films and stage musicals.

The revelation came as a shock to many in the NFL who regard Favre as a living legend, since he is the league’s only three-time MVP winner and has been a doggedly committed athlete since his rookie season in 1992.

“What the fuck was I thinking when I signed on for another year?,” Favre pondered during an open press conference in his home town of Kiln, Mississippi earlier this morning. “We had a 4-12 record in 2005. I was funny as shit in that movie [1998’s There’s Something About Mary]. My ass would be on Broadway right now if it wasn’t for this barbaric game.”

Favre added that his rugged good looks would have served him well on screen.

“You know, Harrison Ford wasn’t all that great,” Favre huffed. “I watched those Indiana Jones movies, and all he did was wear an open-collar shirt, carry a whip, and not shave for three or four days. Brother, that’s me on any given Tuesday.”

Left: Brett Favre in an off-Broadway production of A Midsummer Night's Dream Left: Brett Favre (center) in an off-Broadway production of "A Midsummer Night's Dream"

Understandably, many die-hard Packer fans felt betrayed by this disclosure, but were quick to attribute Favre’s comments to the pre-season jitters.

“Favre throws like a Greek god, but he’s no Dustin Hoffman, that’s for goddamn sure,” remarked Don Molowski, a Green Bay plumber and lifelong Cheesehead. “He’ll come to his senses once the regular season starts and all this media speculation about his age finally subsides. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to snake a turd.”

Comments:
Two things:

1) Site doesn't show up right in Firefox

2) Bad satire. Usually the mark of a writer wanting to be taken seriously, but lacks any serious writing skills...
 
Two things, anonymous:

1. Critics who post anonymously are the worst sort of scoundrel: "Oooo, look at me, I'm too chicken to even use a Blogger ID."

2. We'll look into the Firefox issue, but why not come and join the IE zombies? Oh wait - I forgot - you are SPECIAL, as is evident from your obnoxious comment and your status as a Firefox issue. You are better than the rest of us schlemps.

3. (Yeah, I know I said only two) If you can do better - SUBMIT something. Of course, that would mean putting your money where your mouth is, and no longer being able to leave anonymous drive-by slams. Nah - you probably prefer to maintain your ability to put a sadistic smackdown on someone you don't know in total anonymity. Much safer that way...
 
There. Fixed the main Firefox glitch.

We at the National Nitwit are all about customer service, you filthy degenerates.
 
At least you're out there putting your face on the line to get slapped. Keep it up.
 
Dear Anonymous: I'd love to read your work. Please email me links to your recent publications: bigpilgrim@gmail.com.
 
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