.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

8/17/2006

Mother Turns to DNA Tests, Interrogation in Domestic Terror Case

Kingman family in happier daysLeft: Kingman family in happier days

(Los Angeles, CA) The missing pack of Big Red gum from her purse was the proverbial last straw for Melissa Kingman.

"I said to myself:'Missy, this is the last time one of these little bastards rifles through your possessions and gets away with it,'" she said. "Instead of getting mad, I got smart."

Getting "smart," for Kingman, meant hiring a private investigator to interview the chief suspects: 8-year-old Mark and 7-year-old Penelope Kingman.

Wad of chewed gumLeft: DNA samples aplenty on this evidence

From a wad of gum recovered from under the dining room table, investigators were able to obtain a DNA sample, and it had a match with someone in the Kingman household.

"Oh yeah - Mr. 'I swear it wasn't me, Mom!' was lying through his teeth," Kingman said of her stepson. "And then the little creep still tried to blame his sister. That's when we got tough."

Six hours later, the investigators had their suspect write out a detailed confession. Kingman said that, even still, this was a "hollow victory."

"Like a 4-foot terrorist, Markie's always watching and plotting," she said, eyeing the sniffling child in the corner. "You have to stay two steps ahead of the little sociopath, that's for sure."

Comments: Post a Comment



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?