National Nitwit

Left: Still waiting for a hungry customer

(Columbus, OH) According to Stop-N-Go owner Ralph Heddinger, there is "nothing wrong" with the slice of pizza left in the warmer overnight, and he plans to keep the product in the display case until it gets sold.

"Listen - that machine maintains a steady 160 degrees, so there's no reason we can't sell it," he insisted, spraying some vegetable oil on the slice to shine it up. "It's a perfectly good piece of merchandise, and I'll be damned if I'm going to take a loss on it."

The slice in question was part of a whole pizza cooked the previous evening by overnight manager Alicia Perkins, who neglected to throw out the last piece.

"Someone is bound to come in and want a slice of pizza," said Heddinger, glancing at his watch. "And I want to be ready when that someone shows up, even if I have to wait until noon."

Left: Heddinger is always cognizant of food costs and runs a tight ship

Heddinger blames a pack of local teens for the leftover pizza dilemma.

"We always run a 2-for-1 pizza slice special, which works great since there are six slices per pizza," he said, pointing to a nearby cutting board. "But these little punks come in here with, like, 68 cents and want to buy a single slice. Screws us up all the time."

If no one buys the slice by noon, added Heddinger, he will buy it himself.

"I'll be damned if I will sit by and watch food go to waste," he said. "Besides, there's always drunks rolling in here. They'll eat up just about anything. Last week I watched this hopped-up fool down three Jumbo Dogs that had been on the roller grill so long they looked like beef jerky. Never batted an eye, and he even thanked me for having food ready at 5 am."