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9/20/2006

"Dr. Death" Builds Suicide Vest for Terminally Ill Terrorists

Dr. Jack Kevorkian, aka Dr. Death (Pontiac, MI) Controversial American physician Dr. Jack Kevorkian, currently serving a prison sentence for helping patients with voluntary euthanasia, unveiled plans for a new "assisted suicide vest."

"While we may despise terrorists, they are human beings just like you and me," said Kevorkian. "My assisted suicide vest allows them to die with dignity, while simultaneously blowing the ever-loving bejeesus out of a target. Or would that be 'be-Allah'? Heh!"

Kevorkian said that his new design, however, has some philosophical issues that must be worked out.

"Under Islamic law suicide is forbidden," he said. "So the terminal terrorist must keep his act of martyrdom top of mind when he sets off the detonator, or he will be doomed for eternity. I think they might have to get hypnotized or something. I know I have trouble consciously trying to forget the thing that keeps popping up in my head, like a pink elephant. See? Now you'll be thinking about pink elephants all day. Crazy, huh?"

suicide vest Left: Even terrorists deserve death with dignity

Kevorkian admitted that he has not approached any terrorist organizations about the idea.

"They're not exactly in the phone book," he said. "But I figure they'll know how to find me when they need help. Hey Osama - here's an idea! Maybe you should recruit at hospices. Those people are going to drop dead anyways, and maybe a few of them might want to go out with a bang. Heh heh. Get it - bang? I just kill me."

# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 6:35 PM
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