.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

9/07/2006

Inmate "Embarassed" Over Rectal Gun-Smuggling Caper

Xray of smuggled handgunLeft: X-ray of Bardus and smuggled handgun

(Ashland, KY) Federal prison officials were "surprised" when a metal detector went off as incoming inmate Robert "Weezy" Bardus entered the Federal Correctional Institution (FCI) at Ashland Thursday morning.

A closer search of the inmate found that Bardus had a .44 caliber Desert Eagle handgun inserted in his rectum.

Worse yet for Bardus, the firearm had to be surgically removed. Contacted by National Nitwit, the sheepish inmate expressed embarassment over his dilemma.

"A guy gave me $100 to smuggle in the gun, and all was cool until the transport van hit a pothole," he said from his infirmary bed. "I realized then that I had a major problem."

Image of surgical procedure to remove handgun from anus Left: Artist's recreation of procedure to remove handgun

The gun removal surgery took about 90 minutes, according to prison officials, who described the procedure as "similar to an episiotomy."

Bardus said that he had "never experienced so much pain" as when the handgun became lodged in his rectum during the bumpy ride.

"I've been in prison before, so I am no stranger to unusual sexual practices," he acknowledged. "But at that moment I became convinced that, if there is a God, He is one mean son of a bitch."

Comments:
Apparently, "conventional beliefs about prison rape are questionable", as in it very rarely happens. You're perpetuating a false meme, dude.
 
1. It's satire, numbnuts.

2. No one even said anything about prison rape. The interviewee clearly stated "unusual sexual practices." Turning your own PC argument around, do you then equate rape with sex?

3. Finally, sex happens all the time in prison, just as it does outside prison walls. When a woman is unavailable, many incarcerated men turn to the next available option.
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?