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9/23/2006

I've Been Piggybacking Your Wireless to Download Porn

Pervert at computerGuest editorial by Marcus Wilson, your neighbor

Left: Smiling all the way to the tube of hand lotion

Has your computer been running slow lately? Could be that the 332 MB file containing the film "Naughty, Nasty, and Nubile" that I am currently watching is sucking up your bandwidth like Robert Downey Jr. in front of a pile of blow.

Yes, I have been piggybacking onto your wireless connection to expand my porn collection.

This setup really works great for me. I am able to save $30 a month in Internet access fees, while leaving you on the hook when the FBI raids your house to search for the pictures of the naked 14-year-old girl from Thailand I downloaded last month.

Some might find me "sick," and maybe they are right. But one thing I am not is stupid, and I know a good deal when I see one.

wireless routersRevolutionizing the world of cheap thrills and teenage tarts

Your wireless is a good deal, neighbor.

Listen, I gotta run. But could you do me one favor? Tell your kid that those Kazaa files he's been pirating have really been crimping my style.

How the hell am I going to keep a two-way web cam orgy going if Stevie over there keeps downloading that stupid Nickelback song twelve times in a row?

Thanks, neighbor. My only other option ia a weak signal from six houses down, and I have to be on my front porch to hack that one. Obvious logistical problems out there.

You're a real pal!

Comments:
Hey Marcus,

I really hate to break it to you, but my connection is running 2 kB encryption and front and back door firewalls.

You're "sucking" of of somebody else's connection and the NSA, FBI, CIA and the cable company are on to you.

Stevie is working for one of those guys and he's already chalked you up as a "kill."

Wear clean shorts to prison sucker, at least on your wedding night ;-)
 
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