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9/26/2006

Man Not Sure if Fritos or Dirty Socks are Making His Couch Stink

Fritos and sweat socks Left: The culprits in the stench mystery


(Chicago, IL) A "sickeningly rancid smell" has begun to emanate from the couch of Windy City resident Greg Pittman, but he remains uncertain as to its origin.

"I've pretty much narrowed it down to old Fritos and dirty sweat socks," he said, pawing through the rubbish that had fallen in between the cushions. "Trouble is - it's pretty much the same smell, right?"

Pittman said that he began to notice the odor "a couple of weeks ago," but that it became "unbearable" over the weekend.


Filthy, reeking couch "My friend Marty crashed on [the couch] Friday through Sunday nights," he said, dousing the offensive ottoman with Lysol. "Whatever he was doing on that couch definitely made it turn rank. Really rank."

Compounding the problem for Pittman is the fact that the couch is also the favorite lounging spot for his pet Newfoundland.

"Viktor - that's my dog - calls the couch his home," he said, balling up wads of shedded hair. "I'd hate to deprive the poor beast of his spot, but this vile, reeking piece of furniture is making it impossible to keep a love life going. It's bad enough when the girl is sort of scrunching her nose when we are having sex on the couch, but it's just too much when she smells it as soon as I open the apartment door. Hell - even I can't stand it any more."

Comments:
Stop by your friendly neighborhood carryout, pick up a handful of those pine tree thingies, and stuff them in the couch.

On second thought, those are kind of vile in their own right. . .
 
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