.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}


Man Not Sure if Fritos or Dirty Socks are Making His Couch Stink

Fritos and sweat socks Left: The culprits in the stench mystery

(Chicago, IL) A "sickeningly rancid smell" has begun to emanate from the couch of Windy City resident Greg Pittman, but he remains uncertain as to its origin.

"I've pretty much narrowed it down to old Fritos and dirty sweat socks," he said, pawing through the rubbish that had fallen in between the cushions. "Trouble is - it's pretty much the same smell, right?"

Pittman said that he began to notice the odor "a couple of weeks ago," but that it became "unbearable" over the weekend.

Filthy, reeking couch "My friend Marty crashed on [the couch] Friday through Sunday nights," he said, dousing the offensive ottoman with Lysol. "Whatever he was doing on that couch definitely made it turn rank. Really rank."

Compounding the problem for Pittman is the fact that the couch is also the favorite lounging spot for his pet Newfoundland.

"Viktor - that's my dog - calls the couch his home," he said, balling up wads of shedded hair. "I'd hate to deprive the poor beast of his spot, but this vile, reeking piece of furniture is making it impossible to keep a love life going. It's bad enough when the girl is sort of scrunching her nose when we are having sex on the couch, but it's just too much when she smells it as soon as I open the apartment door. Hell - even I can't stand it any more."

Stop by your friendly neighborhood carryout, pick up a handful of those pine tree thingies, and stuff them in the couch.

On second thought, those are kind of vile in their own right. . .
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?