.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

9/14/2006

Office Worker Sinks 22 Straight Paper Wads, Breaks Ford Corporate Record

HR managerLeft: Townshend savors his victory

(Dearborn, MI) Gritting his teeth, Ford Motor Company human resource manager Lance Townshend took aim and let fly his 22nd consecutive paper wad shot, which rattled around the rim of the black trash can before falling in.

"YESSS!" he exclaimed, drawing looks from other HR employees. "Nothin' but can!"

Townshend has been working on his game for several months now, but had previously been able to sink only nine straight shots.

"The can is 15 feet away, so these are definitely not slam dunks," he said, crumbling up a piece of 8-1/2"x11" paper for another round. "Lately I've been concentrating on getting a little more arc on my shot, and the hard work is paying off."

Paper wads in black trash canLeft: A productive morning for Townshend

Townshend is counting down the days until he receives one of the layoff notices that he has been using as sporting equipment.

"Things are definitely not looking good here," he said, letting fly another wad of paper. "But HR probably won't get the axe until at least after Christmas, since they have to keep enough people here to handle the unemployment claims and COBRA bullshit. Whoa - that one banked off [fellow HR employee Carl] Nelson's desk. I'll give him the assist."

The previous Ford corporate record of 19 shots was held by economy model design engineer Joseph Nichols, who set his mark in 1997 during the beginning of the SUV boom.

# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 11:19 AM
Comments: Post a Comment



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?