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Pope Apologizes to "Murderous Muslim Infidels" for His Comments

Left: Pope Benedict XVI tries to make amends with the world's proto-terrorists

(Vatican City) Pope Benedict XVI, whose remarks on Islam and jihad unleashed a torrent of rage that many fear could burst into violent protests, apologized to the world's idolatrous Saracens in a speech tonight.

"Little did I know that my quotations an obscure medieval text would anger the slovenly Musselmen of the world," he said in a prepared speech. "Tonight I apologize for causing you to get your hijabs and kaffiyehs in a bundle."

Vatican spokesman Federico Lombardi earlier tried to defuse the anger, saying the pope did not intend to offend the sensibilities of the world's misguided Mohammedans.

"The fact is that Pope Benedict loves people who worship Mohammed, and in fact employs several to cut the Vatican's grass," he said. "If it weren't for all these teeming Moslem hordes entering Europe, we might never get the pool cleaned, either."

The Pope hoped to extend an olive branch to the offended Moors.

"I'd like to invite every angry suicide bomber to the Vatican for a cookout," he said. "We could grill up some nice bratwurst and saumagen and work this all out."

Whoa. Dark.
That's fucked up, guys.
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