National Nitwit

(New York) While visiting the scene of another deadly Manhattan attack, President Bush used the opportunity to update his "Axis of Evil" troika.

"My fellow Americans - the Axis has been unbalanced since the overthrow of Sadaam Hussein in 2003," he said, reading from a prepared script. "I am therefore adding the New York Yankees on the list, joining Iran and North Korea as the most dangerous rogue organizations on the planet."

The President said that his decision to identify the Yankees as terrorists was a "slam dunk."

"Look - they have been the 'Evil Empire' for as long as I can remember," he said. "The enemy's doing everything within its power to destroy baseball and to destabilize the American League."

Bush said that "Yankee imperialism" must be stopped at "any and all costs," and that his administration intends to combat the threat from the "free agent terror."

"The goal of these so-called 'Bronx Bombers' is to remake the entire baseball world in their radical image," he said. "They reject the possibility of peaceful coexistence with the free world. Again, hear the words of Cory Lidle earlier this year: 'Up here, you don't think about baseball. It's something that takes you away from everyday life.' Enough said - these Yankees are ruthless killers who will stop at nothing to defeat their enemies."