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10/06/2006

Man Shells Out $168 for a Pair of Cher's Underwear

Left: Chalmers in an undated photo

(Los Angeles) An auction of more than 700 items belonging to singer and actress Cher has raised more than $3.5 million. Chicago resident Mel Chalmers was among the fortunate bidders, plunking down $168 for a pair of the pop diva's panties.

"They've got a couple of stains, but they're still pretty nice," he told National Nitwit reporters. "If you sniff deeply you can still get a whiff of Cher. All told, I'm pretty lucky, I guess."

Chalmers said that he has been a Cher fan "for a really long time."

"My mom got me hooked on 'Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves' and I suppose I've been hooked ever since," he said, placing the prized briefs in a hermetically-sealed display case. "I've been milking the monster to her pictures since I was about 11."

Left: Stains, be damned - Chalmers now has a piece of a pop idol

Chalmers has no plans to have the slightly sullied underwear cleaned, and he insists upon keeping them in their "ideal" state, just as Cher last wore them.

"No, definitely not," he said, dusting off the display case. "I want to savor every filthy, musky remainder of Cher-ness that lingers from touching her quivering honeypot. No, sir - these panties stay au fétide."

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