.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

10/07/2006

Martians Chuckle at US Efforts to Close Border to Aliens

Martian spokesmanLeft: Smarnigalb "unimpressed" with proposed border fence

(Brownsville, TX) News that President Bush signed legislation providing funding for the building of a border fence to keep out illegal aliens was met with derision by local Martian immigrants.

“Are you kidding me? I can jump over that shit,” said Grujurb Smarnigalb, a spokesbeing for the group. “Not to mention the fact that we usually tool around in land speeders, which can either fly above or obliterate with xenon trioxide pellets this pathetic attempt at border security."

Smarnigalb said that his intergalactic compatriots "would not be deterred" by the construction of the fence.

"The Nebularians will just get angrier, and are even more likely to want to come here just to annhilate you," he chided. "And I don't even want to think about what this will say to the Jassaroids, who view chain-link as an overt symbol of ethnic intimidation. Hoo-eee - I'll bet they go all anti-matter on your asses."

Chain-link border fence with towerLeft: Laws of unintended consequences at play?

Perhaps the most "preposterous" assumption behind the fence, added Smarnigalb, was the mistaken idea that all border crossers are similar in form.

"There's a whole universe of multi-dimensional, shape-shifting, and composition-morphing beings out there who will not be deterred by this goofy setup," he said. "And as for your Mexicans - most of them are driving through at the checkpoints. You'd have better luck stopping an ant colony from getting at a sack of sugar with a couple of cheese graters."

Comments:
America is for Americans, and I ain't never heard of a Martian 'merican. I bet they don't even talk 'merican--just some Martian jabber. Put up the fence, I say. And if they use those Xenon pellets, nuke 'em. Nuke 'em all. Just don't let 'em into MY neighborhood.
 
Post a Comment



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?