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Martians Chuckle at US Efforts to Close Border to Aliens

Martian spokesmanLeft: Smarnigalb "unimpressed" with proposed border fence

(Brownsville, TX) News that President Bush signed legislation providing funding for the building of a border fence to keep out illegal aliens was met with derision by local Martian immigrants.

“Are you kidding me? I can jump over that shit,” said Grujurb Smarnigalb, a spokesbeing for the group. “Not to mention the fact that we usually tool around in land speeders, which can either fly above or obliterate with xenon trioxide pellets this pathetic attempt at border security."

Smarnigalb said that his intergalactic compatriots "would not be deterred" by the construction of the fence.

"The Nebularians will just get angrier, and are even more likely to want to come here just to annhilate you," he chided. "And I don't even want to think about what this will say to the Jassaroids, who view chain-link as an overt symbol of ethnic intimidation. Hoo-eee - I'll bet they go all anti-matter on your asses."

Chain-link border fence with towerLeft: Laws of unintended consequences at play?

Perhaps the most "preposterous" assumption behind the fence, added Smarnigalb, was the mistaken idea that all border crossers are similar in form.

"There's a whole universe of multi-dimensional, shape-shifting, and composition-morphing beings out there who will not be deterred by this goofy setup," he said. "And as for your Mexicans - most of them are driving through at the checkpoints. You'd have better luck stopping an ant colony from getting at a sack of sugar with a couple of cheese graters."

America is for Americans, and I ain't never heard of a Martian 'merican. I bet they don't even talk 'merican--just some Martian jabber. Put up the fence, I say. And if they use those Xenon pellets, nuke 'em. Nuke 'em all. Just don't let 'em into MY neighborhood.
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