.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

10/20/2006

Mother-to-Be Hopes Ob-Gyn Will Prescribe Ritalin for Hyper Fetus

Pregnant motherParrish seeking help dealing with her "abdominal abomination"

(Tuscon, AZ) All the kicking, turning, and "jumping around" that her baby is doing has first-time mother Nicky Parrish worried.

"This is just not normal," she said, showing reporters the squirming activity occurring in her belly as she sipped a cup of coffee. "This kid is twitching like a freshly butchered chicken, and I haven't got a decent night's sleep in a week."

Parrish, who is in her 37th week, said that the unborn child began "spazzing out" around the 30th week.

"I was sitting in my car listening to 'Fergalicious' when all this kicking and punching shit started," she said of the excessive activity. "I really hope my doctor agrees with doling out some Ritalin for this manic little monster."

RitalinLeft: Unconventional prenatal care, but Parrish is at her "wit's end"

Parrish believes that, while a different approach to a restless fetus, a prenatal regimen of psychotropic medications might be the best course in her future relationship with her child.

"This kid will come out of my womb focused, alert, and not screwing around with a bunch of distracted whining," she said. "I think it's best to start off with a baby knowing what the limits are, and that the world has no use for a kid dancing around like a flea on a flaming dog."

# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 5:18 PM
Comments:
This woman needs the drugs, not the poor baby! What is WRONG with her?
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 5:54 PM
 
Nah - every kid should get medicated so I can sit in the theater and enjoy my film without a bunch of screaming banshees running around.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 6:01 PM
 
There's a quick solution to every ailment!

I'm back, now.
# posted by Blogger Mark : 12:44 AM
 
The child hasn't even been born yet- all of you speak as if you've never had children. I have a two year old son who was absolutely insane while in my womb. He made me sore all over from his erractic movements, but when he was born he was gentle as a lamb. He was just cramped, I imagine. He is nothing like he was while I was pregnant with him. Putting a child on ritalin, before you even know IF their will be a problem. Well, I just think your a lazy parent lady. Set the limits on your own, and child should have the ability to be a child,and not be doped up from the moment its born.
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 7:30 AM
 
12 oz. of Bacardi 151; no prescription required.
# posted by Blogger Hooda Thunkit (Dave Zawodny) : 4:52 PM
 
Post a Comment



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?