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N. Korean Civilians Temporarily Excited by Rice Arrival

(Pyongyang, DPRK) The visit by US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice brought momentary cheers from residents of this North Korean city.

"Holy shit - where is the rice?" asked an emaciated Lin Soong, 36. "The stores have been empty all week, and let me tell you - tree bark is a poor substitute for a decent meal."

After learning that the rice in question was of the Condoleeza variety, Soong said that he and his fellow citizens are getting a bit tired of the rhetoric of the regime of Kim Jong Il.

"Yes, yes, the glorious roots of the Workers' Party of Korea and the mighty Songun revolution are very nice," he said, gnawing on a pickled pig knuckle. "But it's hard to stay awake during lectures on 'Fundamentals of Revolutionary Party Building' when breakfast was grass clippings and oak leaf tea."

Left: Sorry, folks - not that kind of Rice

Soong said that he would be "happy as hell" to let the North Korean government detonate as many nukes as they would like.

"Sure, let them wage the dynamic struggle for the accomplishment of the revolutionary cause of Juche, but could you throw us a little bread, too?" he asked, sucking the last of the marrow from the porcine metacarpal. "Mister, I would be all for my honorable mission as the part of the reserve combat unit and detached force of Supreme Commander Kim Jong Il in the sacred struggle for independence against imperialism and the final victory of the socialist cause. Just so long as I could fucking eat, you know?"

Rice temporarily excited me once too, but I got over it ;-)
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