National Nitwit

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

(New York)—Most of them came out of sheer love for spectacle; others, to share a sense of tradition with their children and grandchildren in this progressively techno-centered culture. But almost everyone came to this year’s Macy’s Day Parade with a sense of goodwill, fellowship, and national pride.

So it was a sad moment indeed when a previously unannounced float of German dictator and Nazi iconoclast Adolph Hitler drifted by, simultaneously enraging thousands of revelers and millions of at-home viewers around the world.

“I couldn’t believe my fucking eyes,” huffed Jon Howard, 33, of Newark, who stood with his small daughter. “It started off great - Sponge Bob, Spiderman, those three queers from the Rice Crispies box — and then wouldn’t you know it, here comes Mr. Genocide. Somebody’s head should roll for this.”

The Jewish community was particularly incensed by this blatant display of historical insensitivity.

“My mother spent 10 months at Birkenau, so yeah, this was a huge slap in the face,” remarked Tina Stein, an advertising executive from upper Manhattan. “The worst part was I didn’t think of the idea first — put a Nike swoosh on that baby and watch those Air Jordans sell, sell, sell.”

Left: Member of American Youth for Hitler waving at parade watchers

Not all parade attendees were unhappy with the inclusion of a Hitler float.


"It's an outstanding thing - it's enlightening to see that people want to stand up for what they believe in, and do it in a nonviolent way," said US Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez. "Maybe he gassed six million Jews, but at least Hitler believed in safe and secure nation that begins with borders open only to those who have a legal right to enter, and who have met all the lawful criteria to cross into our territory established by the sovereign people. Is that really so bad?"