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Last-Ditch Brushing, Flossing Fail to Get Dental Patient Off the Hook

Dental patient being examined Left: Bostleman and his day of oral reckoning

(Minneapolis, MN) Despite "extra attention" paid to his teeth over the weekend, local resident Greg Bostleman's trip to the dentist resulted in the identification of seven cavities.

"In a word - fuck," muttered Bostleman as he left the dentist's office. "I mean, I flossed them, like, four times on Saturday and Sunday, and even gave them an extra brushing between NFL games on Sunday."

Bostleman, who admitted that he had not seen his dentist in "a couple of years," believed that his eleventh-hour efforts would pay off.

"I brushed them with baking soda, toothpaste, and even used some of this leftover grit from my kid's rock tumbler kit," he said, shaking his head. "It's like I totally wasted my time."

Teeth with plaque and decayLeft: Nothing a little elbow grease and some gumption couldn't have fixed

The worst part about the visit, said Bostleman, was the reactions from his dentist and the oral hygienist, who each expressed their concerns about the condition of his teeth.

"Both of them were giving me a bunch of grief about 'proper techniques' and 'daily routines' and shit, like I am some retarded 12-year-old," he said, rubbing his jaw. "That's half the reason I stopped going in the first place. I think I'll stop payment on the fucking check."

Aww, those teeth are ADORABLE!

And, what a winning smile you've got there :-)
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