.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}


Staffer Frustrated with Efforts to Get Out Agoraphobic Vote

Left: Ideological, but neurotic

(Boston, MA) Marc Jarvis, a worker for the gubernatorial campaign of Massachusetts Lieutenant Governor Kerry Healey, said that he and his coworkers have had "great dificulty" in getting agoraphobics to commit to a trip to the polls today.

"We get them on the phone, and they are all like: 'OK, pick me up at 9:30,' but when we get there they don't answer the door," he said, standing in the rain at a house in Beacon Hill. "And you know the person is in the house, because the curtains moved. What a waste of our time."

Jarvis said the campaign managers believed that agoraphobics would be an "ideal demographic."

"It makes sense - the whole terrorist angle has got to be of big concern to people who are afraid to leave their houses, right?" He queried, knocking again on the door of the woman he was supposed to drive to the polls. "But actually getting them out of the house? No fucking way, man."

Jarvis gives it his best shot, but agoraphobes are still resistant

One of the most frustrating aspects of the Healey campaign's "Get Out The 'Phobes" strategy, said Jarvis, has been the reluctance of these target voters to use the absentee ballot process.

"So I'm talking to this one lady, and I tell her to just pick up a ballot on a good day, like when she's doubled up on the Xanax or something," he said, shaking his head. "Then she tells me: 'Can you take the envelope to the mailbox for me?' Jesus Christ - it was a hell of a lot easier when all we had to do was buy off the homeless bums to go vote at the church near the shelter, and we didn't even have to drive those clowns."

"Get Out The 'Phobes"

That is simply precious!
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?