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Dick Clark to Rock in New Year's with Hoes, Hennessy, and Blow

Dick Clark on New Year's EveLeft: Ageless Dick Clark knows how to party

(New York) Perennial teenager and New Year's host Dick Clark told National Nitwit reporters that he has some "wild-ass plans" to rock in the new year.

"Me and my boyz show 'em how we do it in da dirty. We just mob the dancefloor rocked back and lean wit' it," he said. "I'll be back fo' sho' wit da bitches and blow, and my boyz bringin' da Hennessy."

With some speech ability still impaired, Clark made a dramatic return to his New Year's show in 2005 after his stroke. Clark said that his medical problems are "no big thang."

"Me and my boyz wuz cruizing through the mall the other day, checking out some fly shit at Chessking, hooking up some new Oaklies, and it was all good," he said, adjusting his rolled up pants over his Timberlines. "This year's show be off the chain, and we can't wait to start it, y'all. Hopefully me and my boyz can get started under j-free alright."

Left: Git it started, a-i-e-e-e-e-e-t?

Clark said that he and his crew will "take no shit" in their quest for celebratory zeal.

"Fuck around, dig in my treasure, feel my forty-five long. Ride through, about to slide through, I'm right beside you, you get me?" he said, motioning to a piece inside his jacket. "We be camoflaged like salamanders, a keen fun fest sneakin by machine gun nests. The MPs failed the test cuz we up in their base, no stress, and I'll wait by the door and stab 'em while you start grabbin.'"

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Y'all is SICK, sick motherfuckers.
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