.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

12/08/2006

Opinion: When Women Dig You, the World is Your Oyster

Guest editorial by Phil Swartz, marketing executive and lunch room regular

For many of you, getting a date can be a difficult task. I am here, however, to tell you that - when women throw themselves at you - life is good. I mean, really good.

Now, I'm not saying I can make you into a bitch magnet like me. Sorry - that's for one of those self-help book writers. No, I pretty much stand here as an inspiration, or as a testament to what life could be.

If you were me, that is.

I sleep with at least four different women per week, and have scored with as many as eleven babes in one weekend. Let's just say I speak their language, Kemo Sabe, and I know how to get a woman to say 'yes' to a roll in the sack.

And I am here to let you know about my conquests between 11:00 am and 1:00 pm every day, here in the company lunch room.

Sarah in accounts receivable? Let's just say that she knows how to post an entry, if you get me. And Lisa in customer service? Nibble on her earlobe and she turns into a sex-starved maniac, ripping your clothes off and going down on you in the copy room. Grrrrr!

Yep, I have bagged every babe in the company, at least twice. I'm always willing to overlook a bad first impression, especially if she's got a good set of assets. Remember Marisa, that hot 21-year-old intern from Philadelphia? Yes sir - nailed her four straight nights before I got bored with her. Gotta have some variety, you know?

Anyways, bud - keep it hanging low, and maybe someday you'll get lucky. Until then - see you tomorrow with more juicy details of my enviable love life.

What's that you say? eHarmony.com? No way, dude. That wasn't my profile. To be honest - chicks send me resumes. Got a stack of requests at home to bang the Philster. Must be some other middle-aged, receding-hairline guy named Phil.

One who women do not dig.

Comments:
And you reek of humbleness too Phil.
 
Post a Comment



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?