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12/20/2006

Preacher Begins One-Man Jihad Against Inflatable Nativity Scenes

(Cleveland, OH) Street preacher Isaiah Jeremiad has long abhorred the commercialization of Christmas, railing at passersby on Euclid Avenue against the "corporate tentacles of Satan" and the "demons dressed as harlots" who entice mall shoppers.

He has become particularly vexed, however, at the proliferation this year of inflatable nativity scenes, and is undertaking a one-man campaign to obliterate them from the greater Cleveland landscape.

"Those air-filled monstrosities are a symbol of everything that is wrong with modern Christianity," he said, shaking his fist at pedestrians. "They're plastic, full of hot air, and nothing but a cheap caricature of the real Nativity!"

Jeremiad said that he uses a variety of means to attack what he calls "visual blasphemies."

"Some I shoot with a BB gun, and some I walk right up and stab with this steak knife," he said, showing off a 4-inch blade. "And then there's some I douse with gas and ignite. I usually only do that at when some heathen sets one up in front of a church. A CHURCH! Are you trying to tell me a CHURCH can't take the time to set up a decent Nativity scene?"

The object of Jeremiad's ire

The crusty street preacher said that he has another tactic against the "unholy gas bags."

"I go into Kmarts and WalMarts and poke these contemptible abominations. It's kind of like a preemptive strike against Satan," he explained. "I figure it's probably still a sin, but if Jesus can get away with overturning the moneychangers' tables in the Temple, God Almighty will give me a pass on this one. Besides, can you just see the look on Mr. and Mrs. Sinner's faces when their wicked little purchase goes p-f-f-f-f-t? Ah, the simple joys are what really count during the Christmas season."

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Comments:
He sounds loony, but he's right. Those things are ugly.
 
heh, Jeremiad. I'm probably one of three readers in the universe who caught that.
 
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