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1/17/2007

Brooklyn Man Drops Bomb, Sets Record 12.4-Second Fart

Farting manTrombley: Basking in his gaseous glory

(New York) Citing months of grueling training and a high-fiber breakfast as pivotal factors, Brooklyn resident Derrick Trombley ripped an epic rectal honk Wednesday morning.

Sources near the colonic calliope timed the event at 12.4 seconds, breaking Trombley's previous best by over a full second.

"I was just trying to equal my best butt blast from last year," he said. "I would have been happy with that even if I didn't break it. I had been practicing pretty intensely since September, so I was eager to see what I could do. I just tried to clear my mind and create a hefty, room-clearing dose of skunk bait."

The result speaks for itself, as Trombley's brown thunder sent dozens of people scattering for cover along Empire Boulevard.

"I heard it before the smell hit me," said Erica Tristan, of Ridgewood. "I just grabbed my kids and ran. Fast. Unfortunately, we caught a blast of the methane flak near the deli. It must have registered at least a 6.0 on the sphincter scale."

NYFD NYFD crew racing to the scene of the rectal tremor

Trombley said that he was worried the "canary-killing death ooze" might fizzle short of his record.

"Around the five-second mark I thought the exterior sphincter muscle was going to choke it off too soon," he recalled. "But I focused - really focused, man - and I made sure that every piece of shredded wheat counted. Best of all, it was one of those crop-dusting crowd splitters that will not soon be forgotten."

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# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 4:01 PM
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PHEW!!!
# posted by Anonymous Anonymous : 7:34 PM
 
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