.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

2/17/2007

Mardi Gras "Pretty Freaking Dull" at New Orleans Rest Home

Hoeffler longs for a better party

(New Orleans, LA) Erwin Hoeffler listened to the sales pitch from the tour rep at the Maison Hospitalière Rest Home with excitement, at least "as much excitement as an 84-year-old geezer like me can handle."

The reality of life in the assisted living facility, however, leaves much to be desired, according to Hoeffler. In particular, the new resident was disappointed with the Mardi Gras celebration held this weekend.

"The reason I left that dump up round Natchitoches way was that I was told things get 'pretty crazy' here during Mardi Gras," he said, shaking his head. "Their idea of 'fun' in this shithole is lime Jello on Thursdays, and I'm about to light my sheets on fire to see some action in this dried-up old mausoleum."

Hoeffler, whose recently-replaced hips necessitated his "life among the undead," said that he couldn't believe how "out of the loop" his fellow residents were.

"They passed out strings of beads, and I got pretty fired up about that," he said, showing National Nitwit reporters several strands he collected. "So I started yelling: 'SHOW US YOUR TITS! SHOW US YOUR TITS!' and they stuck me in the fucking timeout room."

Left: Story hour at Camp Dullsville no picnic for Hoeffler

Things are so dull at the Dauphine Street facility, said Hoeffler, that he's thinking of going AWOL to find some fun.

"We're so close to the French Quarter that I can almost smell the sweat from all those naked boobs," he said, looking longingly out his second-floor window. "I'll be goddamned if I'm going to spend what might be my last Mardi Gras watching reruns of the Golden Girls. Fuck me."

Labels: , , ,


Comments:
Sounds like my Uncle who died a couple years ago. He was always trying to sneak out of the VA Hospital to go to the bar across the street. He told me that he would do anything to get out of that hellhole.

I know it's satire, but it is true in some cases.
 
But, isn't there supposed to be only a hint of truth in satire?

Otherwise, they would call it the truth.
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?