.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

2/19/2007

Nation's Dope Dealers Call for All-Metric Drug Deal System

(Omaha, NE) Speaking at an annual covention for street-level pharmaceutical representatives, an industry spokesperson called for an end to the "confusing and straight-up ignant" practice of using both English and metric weights and measures in transactions.

Gregory "G-man" Phllips exhorted the group to accept a committee resolution to adopt standard units of exchange.

"Listen up, y'all - it's flat out stupid to be using ounces and grams for the same damn product," he said, highlighting a PowerPoint presentation. "We risk losing credibility with our consumers, who form part of the movement upon which the long-term success of dopemen like us depends. Thus, we seek a balanced policy that is based on structured engagement, partnership and mutual trust, one that acknowledges standard measures, and one in which we don't jack someone who happens to be a stupid ass when it comes to the metric system. Yo."

Phllips said that the new system will benefit dealers as well as users.

"The time spent trying to convert kilos to pounds in a dark warehouse is time that could be better spent drinking Hennessey and getting blow jobs from crack whores," he said to a laughing audience. "You know what I'm talking about, y'all? Not to mention that nobody has a fucking calculator when you really need one, and you hate to have to trust your whacked-out heroin addict cousin just because he can guess every answer on Jeopardy while fucked up off his ass."

Miscalculated conversions on a kilo of Bolivian marching powder could be expensive

Not all convention attendeees, however, agreed with the call for unit standardization.

"It's always a half-ounce - and always will be a half-ounce - with my weed customers," grumbled Vance "Doc" Martin, of Minneapolis. "When some fucker calls me up asking for 'grams' of weed, I know right away he's probably a narc. Nobody talks like that except a fed, and this weird chemistry major at UMinn, but you can't understand anything that dude says when he's sniffing ether."

Labels: , ,


Comments:
You know, if you convert to grams (which nobody understands) you can get 3 or 4 half-ounces out of a bag.
 
This blog is fantastic, is very interesting, I like the colors, are awesome. Keep it and show us more!!!! Do you wanto to see something more? Look... Glass Bongs and Bong featuring Herbal Smoke, water bongs, bongs online head shop, Marijuana Alternative,glass water bongs, Hashish, Ganja, homemade bongs, Smokeshop, cannibis, legal smoking alternatives for herbal highs and aphrodisia. http://www.headshopinternational.com
 
In a classic case of the blind leading sportsbook the blind, the Daily Beast is reporting that former Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin sent Dr. Laura Schlessinger words of encouragement Wednesday, telling the embattled talk-show host via Twitter, bet nfl “don’t retreat… reload. Dr. Laura has announced that she will retire from radio show after she unleashed a five-minute rant which used the N-word 11 different times on air.
http://www.enterbet.com
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?