.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

2/01/2007

Rented Lexus Does Not Help Loser at Reunion

145 a night, but Mendelsohn is still a twit despite the Lexus Left: $145 a night, but Mendelsohn is still a twit

(Toledo, OH) Larry Mendelsohn spent most of his high school years being the butt of many cruel jokes, and never once succeeded in getting a date with a girl who was not the daughter of one of his mom's friends.

"I was pretty much your basic loser," he admitted to National Nitwitreporters. "So I wanted to make an impression at my 20-year class reunion."

To accomplish this lofty goal Mendelsohn rented a Lexus GS luxury sport sedan, complete with a 4.3-litre V8 engine, leather seats, and built-in GPS.

"This car has, like, everything - even the new adaptive variable suspension that allows you to fine-tune suspension damping with four settings ranging from normal-mode for everyday driving to a sport-mode for a tighter, more precise feel," he said, showing off the settings to reporters. "And check this out - it's got Adaptive Front lighting System (AFS), which helps illuminate a turn or curve when you steer into it. Cool!"

Geek is still geeky after all these yearsLeft: Still geeky after all these years

Mendelsohn, who is an assistant manager in appliances at Best Buy, said that his plan fell awry moments after arriving at the reunion.

"Pretty basically, they picked up right where they left off in 1986, with me getting shit on all night," he mused. "I kept dropping hints to get people to look at my car, but no one would go out to the parking lot."

Mendelsohn added that he took many "extra steps" to bring attention to his Lexus, but no one seemed to care.

"Yeah - I tried the old "leaving-the-key-ring-out" trick, and the "oops-I-dropped-my-key-ring" trick, but nothing worked," he said. "The babes can't get magnetized if they don't see the fucking car, right? I couldn't even get the chick at the 24-hour gas station to give me a second look, and I'm pretty goddamned sure she was a tranny. Screw it."

Labels: , ,


Comments:
Larry,

You know how some people seem to live their dreams and other people seem to always get shit on?

Well, I hate (snick) to tell (snick) ya man, but..., Bwa hah hah hah hah, you be in the second pile man.

Bwa, hah, hah, hah, hah, hah, hah, hah!!!

Oh God, I kill me ;-)
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?