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2/08/2007

Woman Recalls Horror of Hypnosis From Enya Music

(DeKalb, IL) Megan Kingsbury, speaking with National Nitwit reporters, recounted a recent incident that she says has left her "scarred and devastated."

"I was reading a book in my living room when that song 'Sail Away' by Enya shuffled on the CD player," she said, unconsciously shivering as she relived the moment. "I think my roommate put it on there. Anyways, within seconds I noticed this light tingling in my fingers and toes. I didn't pay it much attention, but maybe it was like a warning sign."

Kingsbury said that the music suddenly left her in a hypnotic state, and that she became "totally paralyzed."

"I was extremely disoriented, normal reality had just disappeared, I was physically dizzy and unable to move," she said, staring into the distance. "Then I got this paranoia that I was going to die because the music had taken control of me, which was mixed with periodic flashes where my surroundings would hang motionless and appear really beautiful and I felt alternately painless and petrified."

For what seemed like hours, said Kingsbury, the Enya music pinned her in her living room chair.

"My entire visual field was vibrating. Full of crazy patterns, everything was so patterned...and vibrating. The walls were fucking breathing," she shuddered. "And I couldn't move, I was just... just forever motionless."

The music of Enya: Light, ethereal, and paralysis-inducing

Kingsbury said that, in her state of catatonia, she began to observe bizarre changes in her physical form as the CD ended and the paralysis began to subside.

"My body-perception was mostly normal from the top of my head down to my neck, but then my body narrowed down to an infinitely thin dot at this point in my chest," she said, wiping away a tear. "Then it flowed down about three feet, curved around behind my back and below my waist, where it then flowed off into infinity. I became atemporal. I existed both without time and through an infinite amount of time. Damn you, Enya!"

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Comments:
Enya sucks worse than anything has ever sucked in the history of sucky things.
 
"I was reading a book in my living room when that song 'Sail Away' by Enya shuffled on the CD player," she said, unconsciously shivering as she relived the moment. "I think my roommate put it on there. Anyways, within seconds I noticed this light tingling in my fingers and toes. I didn't pay it much attention, but maybe it was like a warning sign."

It was an ORGASM...

You should have known that.
 
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