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3/31/2007

Man Finds Fantasy Golf Sucks Worse than Watching TV Golf

Greenlee remains unimpressed

(Terre Haute, IN) Local sports afficianado Terry Greenlee said that he has long "tried to like professional golf," but has yet to find a way to get excited about the sport.

Greenlee even tried entering a pair of fantasy golf leagues to give him an extra reason to follow the sport, but even this angle leaves him "wanting more."

"Let's face it - golf's a pretty boring game," he noted, poring over a spreadsheet. "And in both leagues the golfer with the lowest real-life score in a round receives 20 points, while the other golfers receive 2 fewer points for every stroke they finish behind the leader. Man - can a fantasy game get any fucking duller than this? You'd think they could throw in 10 points for an eagle or something."

Greenlee, who said he likes playing golf, said that his season is "totally screwed" on both leagues due to a "bullshit" rule.

"Check out this shit - 'each golfer in fantasy golf can be an active member of your team in no more than 10 tournaments,'" he read from the rules of Yahoo! Fantasy Golf. "Can you imagine drafting Peyton Manning and playing him only on the home games? I think not. But here we are, not even halfway through the season, and I have to bench Tiger-fucking-Woods. Screw me."

Woods: Riding the fantasy pine

Worst of all, added Greenlee, is the lack of name recognition of the players he is now reduced to starting as the second half of the season approaches.

"I've got shleps playing with names like Vance Veazey, Duffy Waldorf, and Dicky Pride," he listed, obvious disgust creeping into his voice. "Dicky Pride? Are you kidding me? A name like 'Dicky Pride' would even suck for a porn star."

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Comments:
Huh huh... huh huh...

He said "Dicky Pride."

Cool.
 
"A name like 'Dicky Pride' would even suck for a porn star."

Yeah, but can you picture "Dicky Pride" splashed all over a banner, followed by legions of prancing pansies, heading up a gay pride parade?
 
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