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Man Finds Online Degrees No Help in Finding Online Jobs

(Kansas City, MO) It took Kevin Yeagher just three years to earn both his BA and MA online degrees from the University of Phoenix, but the would-be business management executive is struggling to find online employment.

"Pretty much every company I've sent resumes to wants people to drive to their headquarters," he said, starting a pot of coffee. "I thought the whole point of online degrees was to be able tap into emerging e-markets and e-commerce, not to get stuck for 30 years working in some crappy cubicle in an ugly concrete building in some God-forsaken industrial park. Fuck that."

Yeagher said that he was "pretty shocked" to find out that many prospective employers expect face-to-face interviews.

"Look - if you're going to trust me enough to pay me $50K, why do we have to waste time in a stupid interview?" he asked, pouring the afternoon's first cup of java. "Let me get going, selling your Widgets to Taiwan or whatever the fuck you're hiring me to do, you know?"

Yeagher's ready to help somebody's e-business take off

Yeagher, who said that he sometimes goes weeks without leaving his apartment, added that he is "disappointed" with the lack of awareness by the companies he has investigated of the new realities of employer-employee relationships.

"Every one of these idiots thinks it's 1950, and they want a bunch of mindless drones in cheap suits to fill up their oversized office complexes," he said, shaking his head. "I feel bad for them, because they're all dinosaurs. They just don't know they are extinct."

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