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3/28/2007

Study Finds Gay People Cleaner, More Friendly

A National Nitwit Exclusive Report

By Billy Pilgrim, Completely Hetero Rogue Editor

(Washington, DC)—While the debate on human sexuality continues to be a divisive one in American culture, and the nature versus nurture controversy remains unresolved, a recent study may fan flames on both sides of the issue: results show that homosexuals have, overall, more hygienic lifestyles and are statistically more cordial than heterosexuals.

Being gay in America: clean, polite, and no civil rights

Dr. Rebecca Mohr, lead psychologist on the George Washington University study, offered a captivating summary of her research.

“We examined a large swath of the population—men and women, young and old—and it turns out most straight Americans are just stinky, loud-mouth assholes,” Mohr remarked while adjusting her thick-framed glasses. “You should have seen the heterosexual college students we interviewed. Most of them were drunk at 9 a.m., reeked of bar smoke, and were meaner than a sackful of hungry rats. The gay kids were all here 10 minutes early and brought little mints to share. I mean, you don’t need a PhD to figure this stuff out.”

With nearly 600,000 same-sex couples in American as of the 2000 Census, and estimates that show 1-3% of the entire United States population is gay, lesbian, or transgendered, leaders in the gay community are hoping this recent study will finally offer some degree of validation in mainstream discourse.

“Jesus, it’s about time someone took the time to do this research,” remarked a jubilant John Ianesco, a spokesperson for the Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders (GLAD). “We have to live with this shit everyday, but of course no one wants to hear it. Some asshole flips you off in traffic while chatting on his cell phone? Straight. Some woman with B.O. cuts in front of you at the grocery store? Hella straight. A complete stranger shares his umbrella at the crosswalk and compliments your shoes? Gay. I only hope future generations of queers and queens have it easier.”

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Comments:
JUST MORE POLITICALLY CORRECT BULLSHIT FROM AGENDA-DRIVEN GAYS RIGHTS ACTIVISTS.
 
Dude, chill. Your all-caps make my eyeballs hurt.
 
Firstly, ther research was not done by group supported by the gay community. Two, people are always going to end up offended by this type of research. if it makes you feel any better, you cant really generalize it to everyone, there are gay slobs just like there are straights who are clean, but i do think the research show general trend.
 
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