.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}


Study Finds Gay People Cleaner, More Friendly

A National Nitwit Exclusive Report

By Billy Pilgrim, Completely Hetero Rogue Editor

(Washington, DC)—While the debate on human sexuality continues to be a divisive one in American culture, and the nature versus nurture controversy remains unresolved, a recent study may fan flames on both sides of the issue: results show that homosexuals have, overall, more hygienic lifestyles and are statistically more cordial than heterosexuals.

Being gay in America: clean, polite, and no civil rights

Dr. Rebecca Mohr, lead psychologist on the George Washington University study, offered a captivating summary of her research.

“We examined a large swath of the population—men and women, young and old—and it turns out most straight Americans are just stinky, loud-mouth assholes,” Mohr remarked while adjusting her thick-framed glasses. “You should have seen the heterosexual college students we interviewed. Most of them were drunk at 9 a.m., reeked of bar smoke, and were meaner than a sackful of hungry rats. The gay kids were all here 10 minutes early and brought little mints to share. I mean, you don’t need a PhD to figure this stuff out.”

With nearly 600,000 same-sex couples in American as of the 2000 Census, and estimates that show 1-3% of the entire United States population is gay, lesbian, or transgendered, leaders in the gay community are hoping this recent study will finally offer some degree of validation in mainstream discourse.

“Jesus, it’s about time someone took the time to do this research,” remarked a jubilant John Ianesco, a spokesperson for the Gay & Lesbian Advocates & Defenders (GLAD). “We have to live with this shit everyday, but of course no one wants to hear it. Some asshole flips you off in traffic while chatting on his cell phone? Straight. Some woman with B.O. cuts in front of you at the grocery store? Hella straight. A complete stranger shares his umbrella at the crosswalk and compliments your shoes? Gay. I only hope future generations of queers and queens have it easier.”

Labels: , ,

Dude, chill. Your all-caps make my eyeballs hurt.
Firstly, ther research was not done by group supported by the gay community. Two, people are always going to end up offended by this type of research. if it makes you feel any better, you cant really generalize it to everyone, there are gay slobs just like there are straights who are clean, but i do think the research show general trend.
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?