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Toxic Chemicals Found in Rat Poison

(New York) An toxic ingredient was discovered this week in rat poison that causes rodent kidney failure, and which was blamed for the deaths of millions of American rats.

Rats across the nation were rechecking nearby cabinets and threatening legal action against manufacturers like d-CON.

"What kind of psychotic freak would create something that smells so good, but which is designed to kill a living creature?" asked 'Whiskers,' a denizen of the New York sewer system. "Before they put this stuff in the boxes, there should be some kind of test. You know, there’s a certain trust that food is food and poison is poison, and it’s not supposed to get mixed in together."

Whiskers said that he is puzzled over the motivations of the designers of products with hidden abilities to kill mice and rats.

"What kind of sick, twisted people could sit around calmly, in safety and comfort, while planning the murders of thousands of innocents," he said, nibbling a proffered piece of cheddar. "And all of this just to further their own extremist views, which hold that no other creatures but themselves should be allowed to exist on the Earth? OK, besides Dick Cheney. If you ask me, it's the murderous humans that should be exterminated."

Oh, the animality

Whiskers said that he feels "betrayed" by the events surrounding the poison scare.

"I felt dirty and disappointed because people from my own culture had turned against me," he said, licking the ground for crumbs. "It felt like being smacked across the face by my own paw. People always tell me that I am "pretty" or whatever, but I can't believe it anymore. I need someone to tell me the truth for a change."

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