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3/10/2007

Worker Sinks 22 Straight Paper Wads, Breaks Ford Corporate Record

HR managerLeft: Townshend savors his victory

(Dearborn, MI) Gritting his teeth, Ford Motor Company human resource manager Lance Townshend took aim and let fly his 22nd consecutive paper wad shot, which rattled around the rim of the black trash can before falling in.

"YESSS!" he exclaimed, drawing looks from other HR employees. "Nothin' but can!"

Townshend has been working on his game for several months now, but had previously been able to sink only nine straight shots.

"The can is 15 feet away, so these are definitely not slam dunks," he said, crumbling up a piece of 8-1/2"x11" paper for another round. "Lately I've been concentrating on getting a little more arc on my shot, and the hard work is paying off."

Paper wads in black trash canLeft: A productive morning for Townshend

Townshend is counting down the days until he receives one of the layoff notices that he has been using as sporting equipment.

"Things are definitely not looking good here," he said, letting fly another wad of paper. "But HR probably won't get the axe until at least after Christmas, since they have to keep enough people here to handle the unemployment claims and COBRA bullshit. Whoa - that one banked off [fellow HR employee Carl] Nelson's desk. I'll give him the assist."

The previous Ford corporate record of 19 shots was held by economy model design engineer Joseph Nichols, who set his mark in 1997 during the beginning of the SUV boom.

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