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Disney Ride Kills German Tourist, Claims Self-Defense

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

(Orlando, FL)—A 50-year old German tourist was slain yesterday afternoon while riding one of the many futuristic rides at Disney World’s Epcot Center in Orlando, and remarkably, it may have been an act of self-defense.

While local police officials have yet to pursue all possible leads, the ride known as Charlie “The Space Rocket” Garcia claims that Hiltgrid Fraudenschnel threatened him with “guttural phlegm, body odor, and a massive chin mole.”

Disney officials have yet to offer a formal explanation to the public, but spokesperson Joan Baxter did offer a brief statement to the press early this morning.

“We are deeply saddened by the death of this Nazi cunt,” Baxter affirmed to a packed room of journalists. “We also regret the negative impact this will have on our summer business, and will do whatever we can to quietly pay off her family and keep this shit out of the courts.”

Left: An artist’s rendition of the late Ms. Fraudenschnel

Meanwhile, “Space Rocket” Garcia remains temporarily ‘out of order,’ since his massive steel frame prevents him from being formally incarcerated.

“Have you ever had some stanky Hun sit on your face?,” Space Rocket lamented. “I was just protecting myself. Any good American would have done the same, and hurled the bitch 50 feet to her death while her kids looked on with terror.”

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Oh, what a terrible tragedy :-)
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