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Imus Hoping a Nice Fried Chicken Dinner Will End Rutgers Flap

Left: Imus does chicken right, and you can grease up your hair afterwards

(New York) Talk show host Don Imus, suspended for two weeks for making derogatory racial comments about a collegiate women's basketball team, called the punishment appropriate, and added that he hopes a "nice, downhome meal" will clear the air.

"I hear fried chicken is real big with those people," he said, breading up thirty pounds of chicken in his Manhattan kitchen. "Momma always said 'fried chicken fixes everything,' but then she also said 'make the moon stop staring at me' and 'get your pecker out of your brother's mouth' and a whole lot of other crazy talk."

Imus said he felt "really sorry" about his choice of words, especially referring to the female players as "nappy-headed hoes."

"Coming from a welfare background like they do, those Rutger players must be really sensitive about how they couldn't afford hair tonic and deodorant," he said, shaking his head. "I can't imagine how hard it must have been growing up, with dad throwing dice in the alley and mom turning tricks to support her heroin habit."

Imus won't be opening the pool early for the Rutgers girls, since they can't swim

Ultimately, said Imus, it is time to "move forward" from the unfortunate word choices he made last week.

"Hateful words like mine could hold these girls back, destroying their fragile self-images and turning them into hookers, crackheads, and shoplifters like their mothers and sisters," he said, preparing a pot of greens. "We should be supporting these Jezebels and Jemimas, because they are the future."

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Well, Imus's TV career is in the tank, now he can concentrate on chewing on his hooves for his radio fans..., both of them.
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