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Bulk Purchase of Q-Tips Leads to Day-Long 'Eargasm'

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

Gomez, in the throes of masturbatory hygiene

(Toledo, OH) Christina Gomez, 22, a local preschool teacher, has never been the most popular girl at school, and has had a long string of “dead-end dates” in recent months.

But it came as an utter shock when her bulk purchase of cotton swabs yesterday morning led to a long, erotic afternoon where she experienced countless eargasms.

“It was a day like any other day, really,” Gomez remarked while gently caressing her left earlobe. “I bought some groceries on my lunch break, and had every intention of returning to work, but then…it just happened. I started swabbing my ears, and it felt… it felt amazing. I just couldn’t stop myself.”

Gomez recalled that she coined the term ‘eargasm’ after many hours of sensuous wax removal.

“I lit a few candles, put on some Barry White, and drew a nice, hot bath,” Gomez explained. “I kept telling myself this is ridiculous, that it shouldn’t feel this good, but it was like an orgasm inside my head—my cochlea, Eustachian tube, even my anvil and hammer were quivering with pleasure. Maybe it wouldn’t be so great if I’d had sex once or twice in the past five months, but as it stands, it was the most glorious afternoon of my life.”

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Now, if only she had a keyless drill; she could chuck her way to powered eargasmic bliss thanks to modern technology (via the variable speed trigger and the reversing switch.
On second thought, using a power screwdriver might offer more discrete eargasming pleasure...
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