.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

5/30/2007

CDC Seeks Those Who Smoked Crack With TB Patient

Woman smoking crack with ye olde crack pipe (Atlanta) Health officials in North America and Europe scoured passenger lists of two trans-Atlantic airline flights in their effort to find about 80 people who smoked crack with a man infected with a dangerous drug-resistant form of tuberculosis.

"The investigation is just beginning. It's very challenging - this case is harder than third grade was for Britney Spears," said Dr. Marlon Crizzack, director of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's division of global migration and quarantine. "Not only do we have here the stigma of being a possible TB carrier, but alo the stigma of being known as a crack-smoking street whore. Not too many people fessing up either way."

The unnamed man, who is under the first U.S. government-ordered quarantine patient since 1963, reportedly shared his crack pipe with dozens of airline passengers and employees.

"Is the patient himself paticularly infectious? Fortunately, in this case, he's probably not," said CDC Director Dr. Roxanne Caine. "But the other piece is this bacteria is a very deadly bacteria, and it was all over that crack pipe, not to mention that the man was trading oral sex for crack pipe hits."

CDC officials said they are working closely with both airlines and area crack dealers.

"Pretty basically, what we are dealing with here is a population that is reluctant to come forward," said Caine. "Besides, these fuckers totally bogart the rock, and they are stingier than a bunch of Mormons at a strip club."

Labels: , , ,


# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 5:46 PM
Comments: Post a Comment



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?