National Nitwit

Left: Sample of new Terror Rewards Card

(New York) Bank of America announced that it has launched the Bank of America Terror Rewards Card -- the first credit card to be accepted for usage by members of global terror networks.

For the first time, Bank of America terrorist customers will benefit from the benefits and privileges of acceptance, as well as Bank of America's robust rewards program and outstanding service record.

"We are delighted to link up with al-Qaeda, Hezbollah, and other terror partners around the globe," said Bank of America Card Services President Bruce L. Hammonds. "Bank of America is now offering its high-spending militant customers greater choice through an exceptional new family of financial products."

Cardholders earn two points for each dollar spent on terror-related purchases, such as C-4, RPGs, and bazookas, while earning one point for other purchases.

For every US dollar spent using the card, militants earn one Skywards Mile which they can exchange for free flights, flight upgrades, or travel privileges with Skywards.

Destroy tanks, earn points

Islamic Army spokesman Abdurahman Sali hailed the BOA move as "progressive."

"For many, many years we have watched our purchases blow our enemies into tiny bits, while not benefitting from a loyalty-based rewards program," said Sali, polishing an AK-47. "Now we can carry out worldwide jihad and simultaneously create added value for our organizations. May Allah and Bank of America be praised."