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Nicky Hilton Nearly Drowns Retrieving Cheeseburger in Lake

(Lake Tahoe, NV) Celebrity Nicky Hilton, sister of Paris Hilton and occasional actress, frightened partygoers at a Lake Tahoe resort when she dove in the frigid waters after a cheeseburger was accidentally tossed into the water.

"Nicky was, like, totally committed to fetching and eating that cheeseburger," said Patrick Deschler, who witnessed the incident. "She looked hungrier than an al Qaeda hostage during Ramadan."

Deschler said that Hilton, whose on-again, off-again weight troubles have been tabloid fodder, appeared to lose consciousness after pulling the cheeseburger up from the lakebed.

"She wolfed it down in like five seconds," he recalled. "Then she got kind of, well, catatonic or something. It was as if she was having a food orgasm."

After being rescued and taken to a local hospital for observation, witnesses said that Hilton does not appear to have recovered from her insatiable appetite.

"Listen - Nicky eats more than a Irish setter suckling twelve puppies," Deschler added. "She's so fat... well... err... she's so fat, she's still stuck back in Erikson's oral-sensory phase of development. Like, Nicky will develop a sense of trust only if her caregiver is responsive and consistent with her basic needs being met. Nicky's need for care and food must be met with comforting regularity. She must first form a trusting relationship with her caregiver, otherwise a sense of mistrust develops. Like now. That's how fat Nicky is."

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