.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

5/26/2007

We Deserve a Disinfectant That Kills More Than 99 Percent of Germs

Guest editorial by Sarah Wermacht, homemaker

If you watch those TV ads closely when they advertise disinfectant cleaners, they always show microscopic photos of bacteria they supposedly killed, but there is always one or two of those nasty germs still wiggling around, trying to plan a way to get in your baby's stomach and make them very sick.

It's time that Americans stand up and demand disinfectants that kill every last microbe.

Do you want YOUR baby drinking out of a bottle that still has one or two Ebola viruses on it? It only takes one to kill your baby, dear young mother, and you know those foreign nannies and au pairs at the playground are just COVERED with Ebola and yellow fever and Lassa vrus and smallpox and God knows what else.

And don't even get me going about those nasty immigrants at Carl's Jr. and Burger King. Just seeing them put their dirty hands on my food makes me want to puke right their at the counter, knowing they are back there scratching their filthy crotches, crawling with pubic lice and scabies. Can you say "ick!"

Left: 99 percent is not good enough for America's children

And what about the toilet seat? Are you willing to settle for only a 99 percent kill rate, what with our husbands and all their FILTHY WHORES carrying hepatitis, AIDS, chlamydia, and 19 different types of herpes?

Are you willing to take a chance on catching anal warts from the toilet seat because your super-stud hubby and his infected dingus peed on the toilet seat, while your disinfectant spray only kills, oh, 99 percent of the germs?

Not me.

That's why I say we should band together and get Congress to mandate disinfectant sprays that do their job. Are America's children and your vaginas not worth it?

Labels: , , , , ,


Comments:
99.9% *, just a minor correction to your blog
 
You used the word "scabies." That's one of my favorite words. Nice job.
 
He also used the word vagina.
 
Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?