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5/08/2007

Producers for Reality TV Show Cast Jerks, Narcissists

By Billy Pilgrim, National Nitwit Rogue Editor

The cast of “Give Me Some Money”: A bunch of fucking punks

(Los Angeles)—When the directors, producers, and agents of the new reality show Give Me Some Money were in the arduous process of screening recent college graduates for their program, they struck upon a remarkable scheme: they would select a staggering array of pricks, drama queens, hedonists, and all-around douche bags to comprise their cast and thus keep weekly ratings through the roof.

The result has been nothing short of the most decisively wretched series to debut on network television since Big Brother.

“The whole premise of the show is that we take five kids from the inner city and give them each a million bucks,” explained Jan Hirschel, an R&D executive at Fox. “Then we follow them around 24/7 and watch them waste it on irrational purchases for about six months. You know, booze, pills, rimjobs—it runs the gamut. In the end, America votes for the candidate most deserving of another million so they can spend it all over again, but like, more wisely.”

Bunson: "Positively underwhelmed" by new reality television program

Richard Bunson, one of the few critics invited to an advanced screening, had this to say about his viewing experience.

“Where do I begin,” Bunson remarked while flamboyantly gesturing with a lit Virginia Slim. “Julio is gay and has a raging Barbie addiction, Tyrone wants to be a rapper and has a penchant for call girls, Mandy spends about ten grand a day on shoes, Mark blows everything on comic books and Sasha gets rhinoplasty 14 times. By all accounts, this is the most transparently banal show I’ve ever seen a network produce. God, I can’t wait for it to hit primetime.”

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