.comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}

5/13/2007

Why Did I Ever Ask God to Smite Me with Brain Cancer?

Heather Gliomador, brain cancer patient and totally bummed out woman Guest editorial by Heather Gliomador, cancer patient

After you broke up with me, Jake, things got a little crazy, and I said some things I regret that night.

Like how much of an asshole you were, and how that little bitch Meghan you hooked up with was a total slut, and a lot of other shit I don't remember because I got falling-down, stinking drunk.

But why, oh why, did I ever ask God to smite me with brain cancer?

Christ, if I'd have known He was actually listening for a change, I would have prayed for something more useful, like a BMW. Or at least I could have asked Him to pay you back with a nasty case of herpes or something.

But no. Not Heather. Heather had to go and stand in the rain, raise her arms to Heaven, and ask for a fucking medulloblastoma.

Xray of a really big medulloblastoma, a form of brain cancerTHIS sure was a great birthday present, I must say

Hey God - could You have recognized I was totally wasted, despondent about a breakup, and completely out of my gourd that night?

I have an urge to shout the phrase "FUCK ME" at the top of my lungs right about now, but I'm afraid Somebody will get the wrong idea. Again.

And no offense, oh Holy One, but I really do have a headache. Big time.

Labels: , ,


# posted by Subcomandante Bob : 4:53 PM
Comments: Post a Comment



<< Home
Copyright 2007, National Nitwit ® . Unauthorized duplication prohibited, but feel free to link away. This is a satirical newspaper, and many of these stories are fictional. You have to guess which ones are faked. National Nitwit ® uses invented names in its stories, except when public figures are being satirized, or when we post a real story. Any other use of real names is accidental and coincidental. Subcomandante Bob once got jiggy with your mom, and she does things in bed that would shock you, dude. The content of this website is the property of National Nitwit ® and its authors, and may not be reprinted or retransmitted in whole or in part without the expressed written consent of the publisher. National Nitwit® is not designed for readers under 18 years of age. FAIR USE NOTICE: This site contains copyrighted material the use of which has not always been specifically authorized by the copyright owner. We are making such material available in our efforts to advance understanding of environmental, political, human rights, economic, democracy, scientific, and social justice issues, sustainable development, environmental, community and worker health, democracy, public disclosure, corporate accountability, and social justice issues, mostly because hot college women are also interested in the same issues. Go figure. Anyways, we believe this constitutes a "fair use" of any such copyrighted material as provided for in section 107 of the US Copyright Law. In accordance with Title 17 U.S.C. Section 107, the material on this site is distributed without fee or payment of any kind to those who have expressed a prior interest in receiving the included information for research and educational purposes, except when you are using it to get laid. If you wish to use copyrighted material from this site for purposes of your own that go beyond 'fair use', you must obtain permission from the copyright owner.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?